Back in a magical time known as the 70′s comics sales were already on the down-slide thanks to plenty of free kids television. Publisher Gold Key was hit particularity hard time keeping with the times and were being muscled off the newsstands by DC and Marvel. To combat complete irrelevancy, Gold Key just printed tons of crap, tossed it in three pack and distributed them to be sold in department stores and called it a day. Here’s a few choice nuggets from a rather-forgettable era in comics history.
Zody The Mod Rob No. 1
We first meet our hapless hero, Randy, in the newsroom of the Tinker High Times as he is sent on assignment to write a feature on a professor who’s “booked for a school assembly next week.” As it turns out, the good professor is laying claim to proving astrological energy-waves (scientifically). As luck would have it, Randy is an Aquarius, which is just what the professor needed to try out his latest invention, a “horoscope hat.” Although it’s vague, what, in fact, the horoscope hat even does, Randy agrees to wear this contraption all day to see if ” he feels a little bit smarter.” Giving in to self consciousness, Randy stops at his local wig shop and get’s a long haired wig to feel less conspicuous. After a long day of interviewing science-types and wig shopping, Randy settles down and takes a nap in Poe Park. When he comes to, he realizes that he has the power of the zodiac. What is that, you ask? Why it’s the ability to gaze into the future and build robots. Randy does both with gusto, despite the fact, “He somehow can’t make the robot work”. Fear not, as the stars aka the zodiac brings this robot to life! Zody, the titular mod rob, makes jokes and cavorts around. Realizing the ramifications of a wise cracking robot, Randy disguises the robot with a poncho and a mop for hair, despite the fact Randy had a brand-new wig at his disposal.
Randy and Zody The Mod Rob (more like the Hippy Rob, though)
Of course hilarity insures as this trippy robot spews his hippy speak and his free love, that is to say, until he announces with no uncertainly that the school will blow up in 5 minutes because mice accidentally arranged a bomb from pilfered supplies from the chemistry lab. Does the school blow up? No. It doesn’t , thanks to Randy’s new chum, Zody The Mod Rob!
Harlem Globetrotters No. 2
The Harlem Globetrotters were on route to play against the Hillbilly Hillstars when, suddenly, they drive through a shoot-out between the feuding Flatfields and the, uh Coys. Ever the peacemakers, The Globetrotters intervened to find out what’s the dilly-yo. If you can believe it, the beef is over a wedding – or, more specifically, the lack there of. You see, Rock Flatfield (who looks suspiciously like a blonde Li’l Abner) refuses to marry the Coy’s kin, Cora, on the account that she is not “his type”.
When The Harlem Globetrotters full court press, they find that this marriage would end the feud, as it’s stated in the “hillbilly rules”. The Globetrotters arrange a picnic. As Granny stated to Cora, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” and let’s face it, Cora is no prized pig. Things were going well until the unscrupulous Flatfields cheat at all the scheduled picnic events so they can knock off the Coy’s and “take over the whole valley.” This comes surprising close to fruition, especially as they cheat at a basketball game against the globetrotters using unregulated props. If you ever seen the Globetrotters regular use of ladders and breast pumps, Flatfields must have been going way overboard to be considered “cheating”. As luck would have it, though, Cora falls in some “super beauty mud” and comes out with a svelte figure a higher hem line and a face to match. Now that Cora has the only kind of beauty that matters, outer beauty, sparks are flyin’ between her and Rock. Granny considered taking a dip in the magical mud, herself, until protests from the team made her decide to stay a spinster forever. The end.
Keep your mind on basketball.