Tag Archives: Marvel
I gotta admit, dear readers. I really love Captain America. No one has a better costume.
This commission was brought to you by my new friend, Erica. She wanted a small boy version of the unfrozen hero for the new arrival. Excelsior!
*FUN FACT* My pops went to see The Avengers by his lonesome. He said he could relate to The Hulk the most. I wonder why.
My father nary raised a hand to me in anger. He never belittled me or was ever verbally abusive. However, he traumatized me for life by throwing change out of a moving car window after I blew all my ‘allowance’ on bubble gum machine prizes. He, of all people, should have understood the shiny allure of putting change in the slot and not knowing what you will get in return. Maybe I’d get a digital watch, or a googly-eyed monster finger puppet, or maybe I wouldn’t get anything at all. This is the price you pay gambling away your quarters in a vending machine. Y’see, it’s not about the prize, it’s about the thrill of the game.
As you know, I am no longer a child, well, not physically at least. I get my kicks elsewhere in life. However, I can’t seem to pass a set of bubblegum dispensary without stopping and checking out the wares. As you can imagine, I stopped dead in my track when I saw the glorious sight of a machine filled to the brim with ‘eggs’ painted to resemble the heads of Marvel Superheroes. What was inside the eggs, you ask? Why, a super deformed squat version of their respected bodies, of course. The gimmick here is that you open the head and assemble a chibi as the Japanese would say, if they weren’t busy with other stuff.
Now, I don’t walk around with my all currency in quarters so I could only buy two. Thrill of the hunt or not, I am a busy man and I need my toys now and I need all of them, so I bought them all on Ebay later that day. After two weeks of waiting by my mailbox like Charlie Brown does during the month of February, they finally arrived, and these are them.
In 1996, Marvel took all their most popular heroes and made them look metallic. Yes, metallic. Look at the highlights and low-lights in hulks pants. They are metal. Look at the reflection in Spiderman’s bulge. It’s metallic too. Iron Man? Well, he’s always been metallic, but he’s even more metallic now. I guess Marvel went bankrupt in taste and as well as bankrupt in money.
Speaking of taste, let me tell you about Marvel Heroes Popping Candy W/Lollipop. Hmmm, how do I put this: Oh yeah, it sucks! First off the complementary lollipop is in shape of a ‘thumbs-up’ hand. That’s lazy theming, dudes. Is a Spiderman shaped sucker too much to expect to come out of a Spiderman shaped bag? Apparently so, according to the schlock-misters at The Royal Candy Company.
Also, what is up with Iron Man being ‘Blue Raspberry’ flavored? I know Iron Man is hot right now, but that spot and flavor should have been reserved for Captain America. I am so angry I am going to intentionally splash the first person I see walking along the side of the road in the rain. I want you to hurt like I hurt. PS the candy tastes like soap.