Everybody please wish my Mom a happy birthday.
(images from the John Miller collection)
From your pals at Lattaland, do so have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Without a doubt, this is the most grim view of humanity ever captured on the funnies page. This comic speaks directly to my neurosis. On that note, I start therapy really soon.
Hey, gang! Guess who’s seeking out retail therapy by buying crap shaped like cartoon characters? That’s right, el-me-o, as my Spaniard friends might say.
This time, I found myself shoplifting at Publix. I was picking up some 100 dollar eye drops and had some time to kill. That’s right, 100 dollar eye drops. No joke here, folks. Hey Obama! Weren’t you supposed to get me free eye drops? Thanks for nothing, pal! I’ll take what’s mine now, thank you. Anyway, I had some time to kill when I heard this salt and pepper set calling my name from a seasonal end cap. It was love at first sight, err, sound, err-something.
As I mentioned before, I like Snoopy enough. I mean, I love dogs n’ junk – and I like the way Snoopy dances and believes in capital punishment. All and all, though, I am desensitized to all merchandise featuring Snoopy. I mean, like, they make Snoopy breast pumps for fucks sake, but I digress. It seems to me that the higher life forms of the strip have been sorely merchandised in the last two decades. So when I see anything Charlie Brown, I stand up and take notice.
Admittedly, another salt and pepper shaker isn’t really much of a necessity in my household. I already got a Trader Vic’s tiki dude set as well as a Donald Duck and the esteemed Professor Ludwig Von Drake to dispense salt n’ pepper on me eggs, but come on! Did I mention it’s Charlie Brown and Lucy Van Pelt? Oh, please merciful father in hell, please stop me before I start collecting Salt & Pepper shakers!
(Stop me from collecting this crap.)
Oh yeah, I am supposed to be reviewing these stupid things. That way I can write it off on my taxes as a business expense. The sculpts are good, yet not particularly inspired. I would have preferred a more dispirited expression on Chuck or a homicidal grin on Lucy’s mug. What can you do, though? Not buy them? HA! Oh, you.
Another head-scratcher is why Lucy is the salt shaker and Ol’ Chuck is the pepper, as dictated by the holes in the top? I mean,think about it. Lucy has black hair. Black hair = black pepper. Doyee! Say, why do salt shakers have more holes than pepper shakers? I guess that’s like asking why does rain fall from the sky? Some things man was never meant to know.