Hello everybody, or as the Indians say “Maize.” Welcome to another exiting blog entry on stuff that I didn’t make. Yup, stuff YOU actually care about. This time, I paid a visit to my neighborhood Target store to pick up some ball medicine and Necco Wafers at 50%off – but that’s when destiny stepped in: I noticed the dollar bins were full of all sortsa cool, stupid crap.
(Smurfs Bags and generic figure)
Smurf tote bag and Smurf figure brought to us by the fine folks of Innovated Design and Jakks Pacific, respectfully.
As any one who has the displeasure of actually knowing me in real life will attest to, I have a semi-lob on for all things Franco-Belgian, especially the Smurfs. In fact, I never shut the hell up about the subversive political farce known as King Smurf. I yammer on and on about how it is one of my favorite comics of all time, so on and so forth. Anyway, this isn’t a review of that book, it’s a review of these Smurf bags, and it’s barely a review at that. Measuring in at only 12 inches, these bags aren’t very useful. Too small to carry groceries in (not that a grown man should carry a Smurf bag to the grocers) and too large for drug contraband. In fact, I can’t think of a good goddamned thing to do with them except look at them, and they do look pretty neat.
(NOT the Smurf that I bought. Can’t get this one for a dollar.)
I spent the better part of 1981 to 1982 asking myself, “Would Smurf figures be a lot better of they were articulated?” The answer: eh, not really. You can spin this generic Smurf’s arms in circles but that’s pretty much it. Why, pray tell, did I buy the plain, untainted Smurf, you ask? Quite simply, I already had the others. Well worth a claim, though.
Mickey & Donald white board and Walt Disney Vintage Story Books by Creative Edge.
Donald Duck Tropic fruit snack mix by National Raisin.
I’ll start with the white board, why not? I often need a whiteboard to write notes to myself such as “pay your bills” or” start acting like a grown man.” Why not write it on a holographic surface with a couple of vintage comic panels thrown in for good measure? Yup, I couldn’t think of a reason not to either, so I picked up this beaut for a buck. The only thing about this that bums me out is the fact it says “Friends, Mickey & Donald” in the top right corner (not pictured). It’s one thing to insult my intelligence by spelling out who’s on this whiteboard, but “friends”? Really? I hate my friends, and I don’t need to be reminded of this every time the mood strikes to draw a pony princess on a white board.
I haven’t read the books, as they are a little beyond my reading level, but holy cow! Lookit at the beautiful art in Bambi! Oh, that’s right, I was too lazy to scan the art. Take my word for it, this lit is fab. “Barn Dance” is particularly fun, and reminds me why the world fell in love with that rodent in the first place. Say, what a minute, why isn’t Goofy in the “Clock Cleaner” book? I seem to remember Goofy in cartoon that this book has crudely adapted. Aw well. I got no time for this.
Okay, so I cheated a bit on the fruit snacks. I found these puppies in the plumbing section of Target, also 50% off. I don’t quite remember the exact price, but one thing you never forget is the joy of seeing Al Taliaferro’s classic Donald Duck strip on a “tropical mix” fruit snack. The snacks themselves? They’re okay, I guess. The apricots, papayas and pineapples are color coordinated with the box which is cool, but fruit is still fruit and fruit is boresville. I only like candy and stew.
That’s the end of that, kids! Join me next time when I review foundation garments picked up at my local Goodwill!
Peanuts Figures Vampire Charlie Brown and Masked Snoopy by Forever Fun.
Check it, bros- CVS is blowing out these bad boys out at half price!
Charles “Sparky” Schultz was often criticized by peers and foes alike for going “too commercial” and marketing the ever-lovin’ shit out of the Peanuts, thus compromising the soul of the strip and the characters themselves. I say, pish posh to them! I like stuff. I like Peanuts stuff. The more Peanuts stuff that I can get the better. That’s what I always say. We’ve have Snoopy dressed as every conceivable thing ever made, but ol’ blockhead himself dressed as a creature of the night was particularly high on my bucket list. I just might die a happy man.