The Smurfette: The Review

The Smurfette by Peyo Yvan Delporte

Published by Papercutz

Women, psssh. Women.

Hey fellas, women are tempestuous, fickle, and nothing but trouble. You know this, I know this, and now our little blue buddies know this.

This delightfully sexist tome was written in 1966, and I don’t believe it made its way to The States -well, until now.  Like ‘The Black Smurf’ I believe this book might have been considered a little too hot for America’s delicate sensibilities.  That the big blue man in the sky that Papercutz is pumpin’ out the reprints like no one’s business.

Okay, so, like, where was I? Oh yes.

That nefarious (and possibly Jewish) Gargmel decided it was time to subvert The Smurfs the only way that would make sense, with a female Smurf. Of course he didn’t have a female Smurf handy, but thankfully, he had a hunk of magical clay available. So he made Smurfette, and brought her to life with a kooky spell of some sort.  Hmm, this could be the reason we didn’t see this on the shelves too often.

After creating this little monster (a woman) Gargamel unleashed her in the forest to be found by some blue chump. The blue chump that found her was Hefty. Needless to say she was doing what women do best: crying. Hefty took pity on this creature and took her to the Smurf Village. It takes no time at all before Smurfette, as she calls herself starts in on the SECOND thing women do best, and that’s nagging.  The Smurfs put up with this as well as they can, save Grouchy, and even throw a party in her honor.  Now, she thinks everything is about her and becomes even a bigger pain in the blue ass.

The next morning The Smurfs sober up enough to realize they got a problem on their hands. Even though The Smurfs hadn’t really been around women much, they devised a brilliant plan. The plan was to make her feel fat so she’d go away and possibly puke herself to death.

Papa Smurf caught wind of this devious act and was deeply, deeply ashamed of his children. Papa Smurf has been around the block a few times, so he knew the only way for his commune to fully except this outsider was to make her better looking. That he did. With some magic and better threads, Papa Smurf made Smurfette gorgeous.

Well, what do you know? Now all the Smurfs are laughing at her inane anecdotes and bending over backwards to do her trivial tasks for her.  Naturally, this still isn’t enough for her, so she begs Vanity to literally open the floodgate and flood the smurf village. This time Smurfette knows she went too far.  Smurfette explains her artificial nature in a Dear John letter and high tails it.  The Smurfs are a bit bummed, sure, but they quickly shift gears to rage and decide it’s time to settle Gargamel’s hash for this one with their most devious concoction ever: an ugly, clingy and codependent woman for Gargamel.

Haha! Wee!

This book gets my highest recommendation.

Get it here.

 

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About Josh Latta

Mr Josh Latta was born in 1853 to a family of tamed Pleistocenes. he was raised as a small child, entering into adulthood on the eve of his 7th birthday as was the tradition of the day. in 1867 he undertook a course in multi-reptile wrestling ending his career as 'croc-tussler' after an unfortunate shallow-river related accident cut short the life of a young crocodile. moving to rural Sheboigan in the fall of 1872, he made a good living raising fancy roosters and painting murals across the town depicting the various lascivious secrets of the townsfolk. driven out of town in the spring of 1873 he found his way to Utah where he was Flaneur in Residence at the Foundation of Gentlemen and Cultured Guinea Pigs (now the Foundation of Water Fowl and Cultured Guinea Pigs) until a scandal involving twin milkmaids and a churn of cream called for his resignation. Latta entered into the history books in 1899 for his lifesize construction of Monument Valley in matches.