Throwback Mountain Dew

Ours is a troubled time, what with the economic collapse, needless wars, and a serous lack of Warner Bros’ studio stores. Here we are in another stupid decade and nothing has changed. Oh sure, our internet is fast now, and cell phones are pretty cool, but the cold hand of nostalgia strangles the life out of me more and more each day. Oh, how I harken back to the halcyon days of yore in our country where a man, or prolly a woman (being as that men didn’t shop for groceries), could go into a store and buy a soft drink adorned with cartoon hillbillies.

Pepsi Co. heard the cry for a simpler time and answered with ‘throwback’ Mountain Dew. As you no doubt already noticed, the can looks pretty much the way it did back in the, well, whatever decade it was invented in.  It sure is breathtaking. Sure, I could have gone without the nagging reminder right there on the can: this beverage is for a limited time. But, beggars can’t be choosers.

The packaging isn’t the only thing that’s different about this ‘throwback’, soda, heavens no. Pepsi turned back the clock and used actual REAL SUGAR in this soft drink. Huh, I wasn’t aware they weren’t using real sugar now, but, it’s still a nice sentiment on their part. The taste? Pretty good. I can appreciate a good yellow soda, and this is one. Honestly, it could taste like cough syrup and circus peanuts, just so there is a hillbilly on the can. The south will rise again, dudes!

From what I understand, this liquid gold is fairly hard to come by.  So if you see them in your local grocery store in your jerkwater town, you better stockpile them and buy all that you can, ‘cos they are going  faster than the decay of our once proud culture. Once Armageddon hits (any day now), the one with the most ‘throwback’ Mountain Dew will rule the tattered country.  Those of us left will have to flee to the mountains and live like hillbillies, and I, for one, cannot wait.


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About Josh Latta

Mr Josh Latta was born in 1853 to a family of tamed Pleistocenes. he was raised as a small child, entering into adulthood on the eve of his 7th birthday as was the tradition of the day. in 1867 he undertook a course in multi-reptile wrestling ending his career as 'croc-tussler' after an unfortunate shallow-river related accident cut short the life of a young crocodile. moving to rural Sheboigan in the fall of 1872, he made a good living raising fancy roosters and painting murals across the town depicting the various lascivious secrets of the townsfolk. driven out of town in the spring of 1873 he found his way to Utah where he was Flaneur in Residence at the Foundation of Gentlemen and Cultured Guinea Pigs (now the Foundation of Water Fowl and Cultured Guinea Pigs) until a scandal involving twin milkmaids and a churn of cream called for his resignation. Latta entered into the history books in 1899 for his lifesize construction of Monument Valley in matches.


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