Hey, everybody. I’m here to kick ass and chew esoteric character bubble gum logo t-shirts. Wait. I don’t want do either of those things. I remember kicking a kid in the shins once, and I felt bad that whole weekend. Boy, that nostalgia is one hell of an axe wound that always needs filling. You know, with monsters, cartoons, and all that crazy crap. Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about. Y’see,I seem to only have gusto for shit any normal fuckin’ human being grew out of before they learned how to pick up a bic razor. Sure, I get it. Wearing this kinda childish crap is likely contributing to the fact that I’ve never been promoted. I mean, I know a man of my age should be driving his own car, have a mistress and possibly some social status, but my crippling Peter Pan syndrome keeps all at bay. Well for now, at least. Thankfully my friends at Glorp Gum Co.® have met my emotionally crippled desire to dress like a giant toddler all week long. In fact, that’s what I did. I wore nothing but Glorp shirt every day for a week solid and chewed gum to see if I can relive my sentimental attachment to the hottest and smelliest part of the year and you won’t believe what happened. I’ll tell you all about it because I don’t have anything better to do.